Xanga! You are in luck!

It has been 1086 days since I have joined! I am back! I am the walrus! I am jack's smirking revenge! I am the edge! I am legend! I am the cheese! I am what I am! I am the night! I am Sofa King We Todd Edd! I am transformed! I am the black wizards! I am out of material.

But mostly I am fucking siiick. Which means you get mindless drivel! Hurrah!

I suppose a lot has happened since, december whateverth I last posted. I have moved from the beautiful Audrey's, to the cold, unfeeling inhospitality of the girls' dorm. I quit my job at Blockbuster. I had my car break and get fixed for one hundred million thousand dollars. I survived Christmas and the beginning of school. I'm fucking brilliant, I know.

BUT that's all major stuff to anyone who is not me. Major events in my recent life:

Yesterday I bought 7 cans of shaving cream. They were on sale for $1 each, which is $.97 cheaper than usual. I could not stop myself.

I am reading (read: listening) to the book Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. Amazing. About subconscious first impressions and how the brain works on a very basic level. Yummy.

Being sick makes me chatty. And PRETENTIOUS. My conversation with my mother as follows:

ME: Hello mother. I am calling to inform you of my acquired illness. Respond accordingly.
MOM: Oh daughter! I am sad for you! What are the symptoms of said ailment!
ME: Well, there is mucus accumulating in my upper sinus regions, a tingling itch in my throat, a menacing but low-grade soreness permeates my skull. High probability of fever either currently or drawing nigh. Lack of appetite, various chills and cold sweats, an ache in my joints. Diagnosis?
MOM: I am hoping just a headcold. Possibly a sinus infection, that would explain the fever. Worst case scenario: the flu. Do you want to come home?
ME: Woe is me! I am shamed by my condition. View me not!
MOM: So you can't get out of class?
ME: I fear not. My grades shall plummet. What shall I do?!
MOM: Drink some fluids, sleep lots, quit being melodramatic, take some vitamins.

I am listless! Could it be that my energies were confused and unfocused by the fact that I was wearing boy's boxer brief's BACKWARDS on accident? They are fixed now. I don't feel any better. (they say "chick magnet," I could not resist).

I'm using my very own microwave for the second time ever. AS WE SPEAK. Instead of nice little buttons and a digital display, it just has dials to turn. Not that much different, but I am sort of annoyed by the lack of flashy numbers. But, the digital display models were like 20 bucks more. Fuck. That. SO I'll sit and twist the little dialy things and imagine the seconds counting down in red. Or green!

I finally tried wine for the first time. I met a boy through some friends.. he fell for me and I was like MAYBE there are feelings? Maybe? Can I dredge up SOME emotion for my biological clock that is about to ticktock its way into an annurism or insane asylum?! But alas, no. Anyway, he has done a million nice things for me, one of which is introducing me to wine. I told his parents that I only drink things that taste like candy so they got something fruity and sweet. A white zinfandel. (I spelled it right on my first try :D) It was pretty good, but not white, and not as sweet as I was hoping. A nasty bitter, tart taste toward the end. If I shaped my mouth a certain way as I swallowed, I could barely taste that though. Odd. The buzz was funny. I had one glass and felt warm and tingly and sleepy. Not bad, I say.

PS: all of my girl friends are getting married. They are engaged, and all have late spring/summer dates. I am feeling a little off the bandwagon ;( THE WEDDING WAGON HAS GONE AND LEFT THE RACHEL. It's probably a good thing, cause I'm nowhere near mentally/emotionally stable enough to have to take some boy off his mother's hands to raise him myself. HEEHEE. But really, I am not ready for the responsibilities and I'm not terribly sad I'm not getting married, but it's a nice idea in theory. GOOD LUCK girlies! I will be there for girls night! Always a bridesmaid never a bride! Before I'm twenty, anyway.

OK OK IM going to go be nutsy sicko some place else for a while.

Love ya Xanga, Miss you, xoxoxoxo

Rachel

sry.

It is now December, and with the changing of the month, Depression City has kicked in full swing. Maybe it's the cold or something. This horrible sinking feeling is a lot less awful than years prior, but it's still complete shit. I am irritable and condescending and ready to fuck someone's shit up if they say something that even rhymes with the wrong thing. Luckily, I can kind of pick myself back up from Rock Bottom given a little meditation, but that hasn't FIXED me yet.

All that to say, I am doing what I can to hold it together and waiting on spring and hoping my finances come through and I don't make a giant mess of my whole life. YEAH!

In less pathetic news, it was my birthday. I did some mad chilling out and got a week off  from Blockbuster and was pretty much enjoying the hell out of it. Thanks to those of you who helped make this the most rad birthday in YEARS :D

The snow was pretty cool for a few minutes. I got my car stuck once because I couldn't see and now it is acting funky as hell. It tries to stall or die or something awful and sounds like it has a giant cold :(

And I've started avidly watching NipTuck. <33 It makes me feel a little better. And a little worse. So they balance and I'm just back where I was, only less bored.

Hit me up, kiddies. I am feeling worthless!

Oh

 no.

It's officially cold. It takes me 45 minutes after I wake up to pull myself out from under the covers. I lay my clothes in front of the space heater before I can get dressed. I accidentally melted one of my nametags this way. There are no more morning showers or perfectly shaved legs. I can wear a hoodie almost all day without taking it off. Fuck.

The Winter Depression has not quite set in. Usually it is laying on pretty think about now. There have been some instances that should have plummetted me way into the abyss already; some misunderstandings, some financial issues, trying to play sink-or-swim in some lame emotions. Pretty much the usual, I guess. But so far, I am snapping back from brink and managing to take shit in stride. Maybe I've grown up some. Or maybe it's just lying in wait for something atrocious enough to happen. We'll see. No use beating it to death now and causing more problems.

My birthday is coming up way fast. I have to make a wish list. I am thinking money is right there at the top  Not really cool to ask for instead of presents, but kind of necessary. Just like every year, I have spent all of spring and summer thinking about things I really want, promising I will remember them by now, and I've forgotten all of them. I KNOW THERE IS SOME STUFF can we just celebrate in February so I can remember?

Dear ex boyfriends: The holidays are not for starting shit.

<3rachel

Dear Xanga

I've got a lovely box of cocoapuffs

This morning I walked to school thinking about all the places I could hide body parts if I decided to kill someone. There are SO MANY PLACES how do people ever get caught? Bushes and garbage cans and damn it would be like trick-or-treating for human limbs! Also Metallica was stuck in my head and I am a little sick (read: fucked up AND coming down with something) but in a delicious mood.

I have been scheduled 48 hours of work this week. I had two projects due yesterday and one on Monday, plus classes to attend. My schedule is hectic and doing its best to drag me down but I seem to be pulling out alright. Minus the cold that sprang up into my WHOLE HEAD from the minute after I got out of bed.

Monday night = Suicide Girls<33 It is only 15 dollars and NO I will not give you a ride. I already have a date and I'm sure as shit not driving.

Shit, I had a million things to talk about and I can remember ZILCH.

I get to see my mother Saturday morning sometime ^_^ anddd it's getting close to my birthday. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO GET ME if that answer is not money, we are not friends.

Damn ok that's all I got.

<3